he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
