That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
