What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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