just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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