She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
