update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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