Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
