I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
