Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
