So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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