I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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