Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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