Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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