The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
