i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
