I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
