the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
