He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
