I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
