If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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