carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
