You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
