Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
