even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then my night got REAL pukey
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
