tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
