hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
