i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
