I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
