Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
