I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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