went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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