Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
