carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
