I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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