Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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