The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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