I just threw up on my dentist
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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