Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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