Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
