Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
