That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
