I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
