I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
