Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
