if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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