They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
