just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
