There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
