I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
