who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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