I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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