I puked a lego.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
