A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
