i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
