turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
