I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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