Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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