when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
