So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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