At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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