Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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