And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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