Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
