hell yes lets make some ravioli
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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