Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
