Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
