I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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