She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
