her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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