return my video game
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
