I must be too annoying 4 u.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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