I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
