hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
