When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
