yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
