i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
