Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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