Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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