just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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