Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
